I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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