Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
