he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
