8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize