Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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