the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
