i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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