I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
