I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
