you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
