I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
