My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
