You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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