whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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