You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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