Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
