I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
