Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
