Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
