I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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