New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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