this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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