her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just shotgunned beers for America
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
