Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
