A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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