Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
