tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
