put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
