The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
