I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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