your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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