Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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