Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize