i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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