Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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