Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
