I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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