Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
