he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
