My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
