I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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