Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
