He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
