I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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