He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
