I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
