Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
