..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize