does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
