Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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