at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
