Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
