I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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