As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
