Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
