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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's always time for handjobs
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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