Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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