You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
