am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
