I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I won the penis lottery.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
