JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
