Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
