At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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