Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My penis needs a shock collar
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
