i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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