My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
