I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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