ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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