Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
