For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
