It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
