Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
