Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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