who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
