kristin has been a bad kristin
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize