In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So much rum. So many feels.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize