I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
