did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
