i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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