Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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