Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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