I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
