I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
