Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
