It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
