I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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