Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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