You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
