1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
