bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Terrible idea I love it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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