Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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