Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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