True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
