You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
