Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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