Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
