thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
