If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize