Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
