Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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