i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
