I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
