A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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